In an office environment, it is common to have an employee who always hears complaints from all co-workers. A certain term in English, coined by psychologists, is usually used to define this role: “toxic handler“. This term is used for a manager who voluntarily shoulders the sadness, frustration, bitterness, and anger that are endemic to organizational life.
The fact is that there is no easy way out of situations and requests that could disrupt your routine or affect your energy: once you become known as a person who says “yes” to almost everything, it is even harder to say “no” to those Who want your attention and time.
But according to a study published in the Journal of Consumer Research, the way to get out of it is simple: choose your words carefully.
Researchers at Boston College and Houston University, both in the United States, explained that the way we make certain statements have different effects on people. To say “I don’t eat…” instead of “I can’t eat…,” for example, made the participants feel more psychologically prepared to resist the temptation to eat.
The idea of making firm affirmations by saying “no” can also work in other scenarios: When you decide to practice every day, say a motivator “I don’t miss gym classes” instead of “I can’t miss classes.”
The reason, explained by SUCCESS magazine publisher Mel Robbins in a video (below) about the study, involves the space for a reply when you speak in a tone of uncertainty. “By talking to yourself or others, saying “I can’t” suggests that you might want to do that, but something will stop you,” he said. “This choice of words proves that in other circumstances you would accept the request that was made; By saying ‘I won’t to do’ in the place of ‘I can’t’, you do not open space for debate. “